I’ve always been treated and told that I’m useless and pathetic. I just want for once to wake up and be genuinely happy. I don’t want to have to fake it for the sake of others. I hate having so many thoughts of killing myself or just dying. I hate all of the people that have ever contributed to my sadness. I can’t remember what it’s like to be happy. I really can’t comprehend how ANY one can be truly happy with their life. I try so fucking hard to be a good person. I try to be nice to everyone because I know more than most how hard life is and how a simple smile or kind gesture from a friend or stranger can keep you living another day. I work my ass off to be good. I know I’m not a bad person. And any person that says I am really is just a liar. I never retaliate against those that have hurt me. I just stay back and take it all. No matter what it is.
Why is it that even though I do my best every fucking day to be good to everyone, I can’t have happiness? I want more than anything in this entire world to be happy. I wish happy was a gift you could give. It’s be the only think I’d ever ask for. But it will never happen. I will never be lucky enough. I envy everyone that is happy.
I am alone. I am sad. I hate myself. I think I’m stupid. I hate my life. I just have so much sad in me. I don’t think I will ever know true happiness.
And no one will care. My family will act like it never happened. Like I never just told my dad off and how he really makes me feel. Most friends wont know. I have a couple trying to console me. But im just another sad girl in this sad world.
Boohoo we all have our problems don’t we? That’s why I try to help. So people won’t feel like I do. I would never wish this much pain on anyone. Not even my father.