Guys?

What if Romney actually does become president?

Are we just going to like…quit America?

He looked all disappointed. 

(Source: ForGIFs.com, via 4gifs)

I’m terrified to tell her about the cutting and to show her….I might not. I don’t know. Scared as fuck right now…..

But on the plus side….we are having our Ryan Gosling marathon on Thursday. I think I have….10? movies. (:

everyonehasblueblood:

A truly strong person does not need the approval of others, any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep.

UNF! She is beautiful!!!

I haven’t today. But it’s scaring the shit out of me. I’ve never felt like addicted to it before…..

Yesterday, I got into an argument with my mom. It was stupid….me not wanting to go to a party for my oldest brother’s bitch Girlfriend. The anger from that plus all of the anger and rage that has been building up lately caused me to snap. I locked myself in my room and started cutting. My mind was blank. It was strange….like an out of body experience. I KNEW I was cutting. I was watching myself do it. And yet….I also didn’t know. Until I actually got on the phone with someone. That someone got me to stop. But I wasn’t really feeling the pain or noticing the blood until I stopped and it hit me what I did.

I woke up this morning very upset. I had hit my arm on something next to my bed and I just lost it. I started crying so much. I decided I needed to talk to someone in my house. So I didn’t have to completely hide it. This brother is a lot like me. We have similar religious beliefs. We like a lot of the same stuff. We HATE a lot of the same stuff. And he’s willing to hear me rant.

I had stayed up on the phone with the friend that stopped my cutting until about….6 because it’s his birthday. I fell asleep and woke up around 1pm today. I texted my brother asking if he was home. He said he would be home in about an hour. When he asked if I was okay and I responded “not really” he said he was leaving the gym and would be on his way home.

I planned in my head what I wanted to say. I said it over and over to myself. I wanted to say each aspect of what I needed. No matter how much it scared me. Or made me cry. I followed him to his room when he got home and I broke down. He got me to sit down. After making him promise not to yell or get mad….I rolled up my sleeve.

107 visible cuts. I probably have more but some weren’t as deep so I don’t see them. I counted as many of the red ones as I could. he let me rant for a good hour about how unhappy I am. How alone I feel. How afraid of myself I am when I cut. I talked about a lot. I talked about how I felt our parents weren’t really listening to me like I needed them to. That I have had times where I’ve been suicidal, and even thought I knew my family loved me, I didn’t care how they would feel if I ended it. I told him it was scaring me that I felt I wasn’t far away from that. That I know that if I ever really think about it and just don’t give a damn that they will miss me terribly….that I’ll do it.

I talked about so, so much. He talked about some things trying to help me. Saying if I ever felt I was going to end it to call him. That he actually stopped a friend of his once. How a friend blocked all the doors to his place, so my brother had to climb onto the room and get in through a window to stop him. He is willing to not tell my parents and made me promise that I have to talk to SOMEONE if I ever feel that way again. Then he went to the store and got me a good bandage that will cover my cuts.

I know I don’t always appreciate my family sometimes. And I was absolutely terrified to how he would respond. But I honestly feel it brought us closer together…..and I am unbelievably lucky to call him my big brother.

are fucking perfect.

and it scares me.

But….I like this kind of scared.

zdl,fitrejkfds.

They still seem to be friends, which in itself is fine. But….he said he’s always taken her back. And she always comes back when he finds someone that he’s starting to like. He said he isn’t doing it this time….but what if he does. We’ll be over before we even start?

I like this kid so fucking much. He makes me feel incredible and happy and I’m just afraid it’ll never happen because she will force her way back in. Yeah he can laugh it off if I mention it….but I mean. Why is it any different now? If you always take her back how do you know you’ll be able to say no for once?

): I just want to be yours. And not have to worry about her. =/ erhgt4rejed

Going to bed….or going to try at least. Fuck I hope we work. I like him so much. ksjrlfdkmsxierwnf =/

….Change is coming…

I’ve always been treated and told that I’m useless and pathetic. I just want for once to wake up and be genuinely happy. I don’t want to have to fake it for the sake of others. I hate having so many thoughts of killing myself or just dying. I hate all of the people that have ever contributed to my sadness. I can’t remember what it’s like to be happy. I really can’t comprehend how ANY one can be truly happy with their life. I try so fucking hard to be a good person. I try to be nice to everyone because I know more than most how hard life is and how a simple smile or kind gesture from a friend or stranger can keep you living another day. I work my ass off to be good. I know I’m not a bad person. And any person that says I am really is just a liar. I never retaliate against those that have hurt me. I just stay back and take it all. No matter what it is.

Why is it that even though I do my best every fucking day to be good to everyone, I can’t have happiness? I want more than anything in this entire world to be happy. I wish happy was a gift you could give. It’s be the only think I’d ever ask for. But it will never happen. I will never be lucky enough. I envy everyone that is happy.

I am alone. I am sad. I hate myself. I think I’m stupid. I hate my life. I just have so much sad in me. I don’t think I will ever know true happiness. 

And no one will care. My family will act like it never happened. Like I never just told my dad off and how he really makes me feel. Most friends wont know. I have a couple trying to console me. But im just another sad girl in this sad world.

Boohoo we all have our problems don’t we? That’s why I try to help. So people won’t feel like I do. I would never wish this much pain on anyone. Not even my father.